mylittlelogs | Night is the Key

Entry tags:

Night is the Key

Who: Harvey and Luna
What: Harvey can't run from his nightmares forever
Where: The dreamscape
When: The wee small hours of the morning
Warnings: Aaaaaaangst
Prose or Commentspam: Prose

Luna's moon had long since risen over Los Pegasus when Harvey Finevoice finally found sleep, curled up in a drunken stupor in the corner of a dingy hotel room no different from the dozens of others he'd frequented throughout the city over the past weeks. It was here he'd come after leaving the Gala, spurred by an off-handed comment from Bertie and a need to get as far away as possible from Canterlot, Ponyville, and...everything. And it didn't seem like he would leave here anytime soon. Nowadays his earnings weren't exactly high; he'd long since left off real gigs, only doing as much street performing as needed to get by. He just didn't have the heart for singin' anymore. How could he entertain a crowd when he could barely even face himself in the mirror every morning? So, a drunken lazy useless schmuck he was. He hated it, he hated every inch of what he had become...but it was the only way he could get to sleep at night. If he drank enough, the dreams wouldn't come.

He didn't always drink enough.

At the outset, this dream hardly looks like anything to be afraid of. The sun shines down on a bright city street, full of the low murmur of life: people walking down the street, colorful cars passing. But the people are ill-defined, little more than shapes in the corner of his eye, and the city is no place he's ever been. It's all just background, unimportant. After all, it doesn't really matter where they are. All that matters is that Harvey is walking along the sidewalk, holding the hand of a young boy ~~who looks remarkably like him~~ and they're both happy.

"Hey," he offers with a smile. "Whaddaya say to goin' for some ice cream?"

There's no response. His smile slowly fades, and he turns. His hand is empty. Harvey instantly stops short, looking about at the crowd bustling around him. There's too many of them, anonymous men in suits pressing in too close, he can't see around them. "Kid?" Someone bumps his shoulder, but he doesn't notice; he breaks into a run, forced to shove people aside as the street grows ever more congested around him, yelling frantically. "Kid? Charlie!"

But Charlie isn't anywhere anymore.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Luna had many reasons to visit the dreams of Los Pegasus. Concerns were high with the shooting of a new movie, she hadn't visited the city since her trip to Kon Ran, and most notably, Harvey had come up several times in Liz's dreams. It'd only seemed proper to check up on the singer. Of course, alcohol made it hard for her to properly settle into the dream, and the concerns are still too vague to get a good reading on... she'd have to ask who "Charlie" was later, she figured.

She was starting to grow incredibly weary of the new arrivals to Equestria fearing abandonment or solitude. It was only natural, yet she had seen so much of it that she was starting to become numb... hardly good for one whose task is to allow others to find their way out of such confusion.

For now, though, she simply watches from the shadows, peering in amongst the crowd. People were just obstacles to him at the moment, he likely wouldn't notice her unless she made herself noticable. At least, that was how she figured.

Luna's assumption proved correct. Harvey didn't notice her intrusion at all, far too caught up in his frantic search. The crowd was growing by the second, and whatever patience he might have had was obviously failing. "Get the hell outta my way!" he snapped, just grabbing one man and decking him hard across the jaw, stepping carelessly over him as he fell to the pavement.

There! Out amongst the people, something caught his eyes - a figure wearing a brown hat and coat, moving quickly away. Harvey hesitated. That wasn't who he'd been looking for, was it? No, no, of course it was. The crowd parted easily enough for him now as he moved, until finally he clasped a hand over the brown-coated shoulder. "Hey, Charlie!"

"Harvey?" The person speaking was obviously a grown man (and one whose face Luna may have even seen before), but his voice was that of a young child. His blue eyes narrowed in irritation as he turned. "For god's sake...look, can this wait? I told you, I have to go."

"Oh...uh, yeah." The man didn't even wait for him to finish, simply turning to walk off again. "Yeah...just be careful, kid?" Harvey called after him, though he had already turned a corner and was out of sight. The singer turned to look around at the empty city streets, brow furrowed in confusion and worry. Had he done the right thing, just now? It didn't really feel like it.

Luna never looked too closely at Mechakara when they had known each other in Kon Ran, though she knew the general features. She also had heard from Liz that the appearance was actually that of someone else, so she at least knows there's not going to be any robot apocalypse in Harvey's dreams. Thank goodness.

However, the streets slowly empty as more of Harvey's "world" falls away, leaving Luna alone with him. She doesn't change her form or even do more than observe still; she could have blended in further by taking a human form, but as it stands she's simply watching from the side, unobtrusively. He lost somebody - or perhaps they grew up. It was difficult to say at this juncture, but it was pretty clear even to her untrained eye that this 'Charlie' was somebody that Harvey hadn't been in contact with for a while, even before he ended up in Equestria.

She won't interfere unless he brings her in, however. This was not a malevolent nightmare, but instead one that had obviously been kept near him for quite some time... the contrast between importance and unimportance was far too stark for it to be a simple, easy-to-conquer fear.

For a few moments, Harvey just stood there, looking around as if lost. His hand shook a little as he took a draw of his cigarette. Though the streets were totally empty now, he still didn’t seem to notice Luna; he was focused more on his thoughts than on his surroundings.

“…oh, to hell with it.”

Enough was enough. Turning, he started after ~~Charlie~~ Linkara, breaking into a run as he drew his tommygun from its holster. The kid was in danger. He needed help, and by god, Harvey was going to be there. The buildings blurred and blended, the rest of the city finally melting away as he picked up speed…

…he stopped short at the cemetery gates.

If the city had been vague, this new place was dreadfully precise. There were hills and trees here, still covered with a light dusting of Christmas snow. Even the wind blew with that awful Minnesota chill, and he shrugged his suit coat a little closer around himself. Harvey’d seen this place far too many times to forget any of it, not even the distant cackling of the crows. The gate was right there. All he had to do was go in.

He started to reach out. Hesitated. Reached again, and put forth just enough pressure to see that the latch was unlocked. But instead of moving forward, he drew back and ran a quivering hand over his face.

He was in the way. People would see him here, ask what was wrong. Harvey shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away from the path, headed toward a hill with a small bench, off to the side where no one had ever noticed him sitting. Not that it really mattered. No one was coming here for his sake anyway, and no one expected him home tonight.

But he wasn’t alone here this time, was he? He hadn’t brought her here, but she was there nonetheless, an undeniable presence in what had always been a place of utter solitude. There was no way he could fail to notice. Any other time he would have been pissed, but today he simply couldn't bring himself to care. Without looking at her, Harvey addressed the alicorn in a low tone.

“It's always like this. Every single damn time."

Luna had to rush to keep up after Harvey pulled out the gun, suddenly very worried she had ended up in a dream much like Pollo's. "Thankfully", though, it ended in suggestion instead of action; she did not think she could handle violence like that inside a dream a second time.

And maybe, Harvey... maybe someone had come here for his sake. She had changed her appearance to that of a human when she finally approached him, her sleek black dress sparkling as her mane would have, had it not transitioned to simple, unmagical human hair. Regardless, the voice was unmistakable, both from Harvey's time on the Satellite and his time in Equestria.

"You cannot forgive yourself for the problems of your past. You blame yourself totally, when truly the issue is much less clear."

"I should've been able to save him," Harvey rejoined, shaking his head and casting Luna a sideways glance as she approached. Why a human-shaped pony princess was walkin' around here, of all places, still wasn't his main concern. "Should've been able to do somethin', anyway, I should - " He slammed his palm down angrily on the wooden slats of the bench. " - be able to go the hell down there and see my son."

Again, he ran a hand across his face. He definitely wasn't near tears, Luna. Harvey would never be so weak.

"The past is past. If we do not accept that things could not be changed, then they will consume us." Luna closes her eyes and shakes her head. She doesn't know about Linkara at all, though she has enough pieces to put that puzzle together, at least.

"Can you not accept the family you have gained in your loss...?" She spoke mainly of Liz, though the way Bertram had fawned over him had been quite pleasant as well. They seemed... happy to have Harvey around. Liz legitimately worried about her friend.

"Ah, those kids."

Harvey leaned back, allowing himself a small smile. "I don't deserve them." The smile didn't last long. "I really don't. I never should've stayed with 'em that long to begin with, it'll be better like this. No one'll get hurt." Liz, Linkara...he just couldn't trust himself anymore. He'd hurt them both too many times.

Well, if nothing else, it was thoughts that Luna herself was quite familiar with by this point. What good is having family and friends if you do nothing but harm them? Luckily, Luna had - for the most part - found the answer she needed on her own. "Much as I do not deserve the respect and love of my sister after the things that I have done. Is that truly your decision to make, however...?"

The princess sighs and glances over, hands on her lap. "I doubt that Elizabeth and your mutual friend are lacking, intellectually. On the contrary, Liz seems sharper than many." Softly, Luna lets a reassuring smile grace her features, trying to help lift Harvey's spirits as much as she can. "I do not think she's ignorant to the danger. And yet she continues to approach, as she sees something within you that you do not see. Family exists, after all, to have faith in us when we have none in ourselves."

Harvey actually turned to look at Luna as she talked now, though his brow was lifted slightly in confusion. All the things that she had done? Someone, it seemed, hadn't much cared to join Liz in watching a certain television show after returning home from the Satellite.

But he wasn't one to pry into other people's pasts; he, of all people, could offer that much courtesy. "Iron always thinks she can take everythin' on all by herself," he said instead, "and the kid'll forgive anythin'. I almost killed him, and he apologized to me."

He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "They've dealt with worse than one hot-headed old idiot with a gun, but...I can't just let 'em waltz right into danger! You remember what happened up there with that god-damned glitch thing." She didn't, of course, but Harvey wasn't quite lucid enough not to equate this Luna with the one he'd known previously. That princess had been there when he tried to stop Liz from fighting the thing that, as far as he'd known then, had killed him. No one aboard the Satellite could possibly have failed to notice the fight that ensued. Liz had never taken well to his attempts to keep her safe. He'd seen the Gala blowout comin'; he just never expected things to get that heated. His fault. He'd been drinkin'.

"I...I can't lose them again." His voice dropped to a whisper as he looked out over the distant tombstones. "I can't."

"Glitch thing...?" She might not have been there, but Liz's dreams did offer a bit of insight she would not otherwise have had. "Do you speak of the one Elizabeth calls 'the Entity'?" If so, perhaps it was something that warranted more serious consideration - if it had gotten into one world, it could easily breach another. Regardless, that's not what this was about.

"...You say that you cannot lose them, and that is understandable. Loss of loved ones is always overwhelmingly painful." She shakes her head. She knew far too well, what with living as long as she had. "But do you not think they feel the same way about you? You are as much family to them as they are to you, are you not?"

"Yeah, that." Harvey waved a hand carelessly, even if his nonchalance was the slightest bit forced. The Entity was dead and gone, there was no need to worry about it anymore, but that didn't mean he didn't have nightmares every now and then. That wasn't the kind of thing you just forgot and moved on after.

Not that Harvey was exactly the poster child for moving on. "They've got families," he replied with faint irritation, "they don't..."

But that wasn't entirely true, now, was it? Liz had told him he was like a father to her. She'd said that. In many ways, it only made what he'd done even worse, but...he frowned, looking troubled, and was silent for a moment before continuing. "You don't hurt your family like that. I always said I was never gonna be that guy. They deserve better."

"They deserve better, so you decide to give them worse by completely disappearing from their lives when they believe you family. Instead of seeking to improve to where you feel you are worthy, you instead flee. There are much deeper issues at work here, but you cannot even begin to tackle them without having those who care for you nearby to offer their support and compassion." Luna shakes her head, sadly, glancing away.

It hurt, in a familiar way. She knew, to a degree, what Harvey was going through. She still has problems facing other ponies with the knowledge of what she did as Nightmare Moon - that was part of the reason she took solace in her time in Kon Ran, as opposed to panicking about it. There, she could suffer her sins in solitude.

And yet, she knew fully well that without her sister, and now the digital Twilight Sparkle, she would never be able to surpass those problems. "I know not what to tell you if you do not wish to take these words to heart. Know only that you are not doing those you care about any favors by hiding away from them."

Harvey folded his hands and rested his chin on them with a sigh. He didn't even really have the mental energy to get indignant at her criticism now. "Who're you, my therapist?" he asked, with an air of resignation. Why the hell was he sittin' in a graveyard havin' this talk with a pony, again?

"It's too late for all that now anyway. I already screwed things up with Iron." Liz had forgiven far worse than a punch in the mouth from him - she and the kid were pretty similar like that. But when it came to hurting the people she loved? Well, she'd told him not to come back. "If she don't want me around, I ain't gonna bother her."

"When your nightmares start becoming a legitimate danger to you, then yes. You may consider me that, in a manner of speaking," Luna replies with an entirely straight face and a cutting glance, mouth drawn in her own slight impatience. "As the princess of the night, it is my job to try to aid ponies plagued by such dreams so that they may not visit again."

She stands, regardless, her star-studded skirt settling around her as she glances towards Harvey. "However, my work is only as guidance. Unless ponies can take the steps needed to conquer their fears, I can truly do nothing. You may see this as an unredeemable situation, and yet, I know that family will always be willing to forgive, should you truly seek forgiveness."

Edited (what is grammar) 2013-06-26 13:59 (UTC)

Harvey remained seated where he was, not looking up at Luna as she spoke. He didn't even seem to notice her impatience, not that he would have particularly cared.

"Yeah. Maybe." For all his nonchalance, though, he at least did appear to be giving her words some thought. But she was leaving now. Fair enough; he wouldn't have wanted to stay, either. She had other people to go deal with. "Good of ya to come, Princess."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Night is the Key

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject