Philip Is Bad At...

[gotanappforthat]

Who: Philip and Patchouli
What: Dating 101
Where: Golden Oaks Library
When: Thursday, May 8th, Afternoon
Warnings: Philip being a derp
Prose or Commentspam: Whichever!

The squeaking of Philip's markers came to a close as he capped it off. As usual the whiteboards in the Golden Oaks Library had been covered in writing, most of it a mix of Japanese and English, but the research seemed to be all over the place.

Tapping his snout with a pen, he scanned the room and then went into the kitchen. A rummaging of cupboards later and he came out with a bag of cookies which he floated towards Patchouli.

"I read it is customary to offer food on the first date," he said promptly and without preamble. "To complete research, I would like to ask you to the Grand Galloping Gala, if you would be so kind to come with me."

Philip wondered if this was the right way to do this after all, as he floated a cookie out of the bag and offered it to her.

Comments

[weekwizard]

By now, hearing Philip ramble on about nothing had become so commonplace that Patchouli had learned to simply tune him out. Thus, the sudden question goes completely unheard at first, Patchouli only recognizing that he was speaking to her after the cookies suddenly floated into her field of view.

However, even after she notices and registers the question, she just keeps on working.

"No."

[gotanappforthat]

"It would be an opportunity for study," pressed on Philip as he floated another cookie out of the bag to take a bite. "In fact, it would benefit both of us in the vein of learning about human interaction in what promises to be a most interesting situation possible."

[weekwizard]

"Human interaction- or pony interaction, for that matter- is not something I have much interest in studying," retorted Patchy, looking up from her work, "I have been to a number of these parties before; I know what they are about and have little desire to attend another."

[gotanappforthat]

"Well I haven't yet, and I have heard that it is a staple to ask somepony to attend," replied Philip blithely as he munched on the cookie. "If you have gone to several, you may be able to teach me how to properly act. Shotaro has informed me on numerous occasions I am ill-fit for these things."

[weekwizard]

"You would have better luck asking one of the myriad of Twilights. I am sure they would be more than willing to go and teach you how to act properly. Admittedly, I would not have the patience for such a thing."

[gotanappforthat]

"I believe they might be tied up, and I know at least two are taken right now. The third, I'm not entirely certain of." admitted Philip. "Besides, you and I speak more than anything else."

[weekwizard]

"You speak to yourself more than you speak to me," Patchy answers dryly, "I believe you may be just fine taking yours-..." She trails off, realizing how wrong she is before finishing the sentence.

"...It will take much more than a simple bag of cookies to convince me to waste my time there."

[gotanappforthat]

Ouch. Well, he never professed to be the most smooth dating person in the world. "Ah. Would flowers or a daisy sandwich aid in the convincing? Or am I to initiate the "dating process" as well? We only have 3 days."

[weekwizard]

It's an awkward dude asking an ice queen out on a date. There's no way it could go well. She is not having it.

"You may continue that route if you wish to find yourself as a charred smear on the ground within the next five minutes. However, if you truly have no other option, I shall agree to it on the terms that you assist me in my research at a later date, be it as a source of information, or a test subject."

[gotanappforthat]

"My options are increasingly limited, due to time constraints and my own social ineptitude," admitted Philip. "I will assist you in research then at a later date and as much as I do not relish being a test subject, I can swing that durability with the equipment I was given upon re-arrival to this location."

And he held up the Gaia Memory as well.

[weekwizard]

Ah, now that catches Patchy's attention.

"And what would that be?"

[gotanappforthat]

"It's a Gaia Memory. Used in conjunction with a belt or "driver" it allows the user to safely turn into a superhuman. In my case, Kamen Rider. It was a name that Shotaro and I earned years ago thanks to the public supporting us."

Safely tucking it aside for the moment, he reached into a back pocket and pulled out a L-shaped buckle. "This is the Lost Driver, how I managed to arrive with this is a mystery. But with this, I can become Kamen Rider Cyclone."

[weekwizard]

"Kamen Rider? So you're one of those types, like that friendship-obsessed one that disappeared recently. I believe I have a general understanding of how it functions from the recordings that have been shown here in the library."

Though, this begs the question: Are all Kamen Riders this annoying?

[gotanappforthat]

"Ah, you mean Gentarou," said Philip, nodding. "Gentarou is a unique case among even the New Heisei Riders. He is... different. Friendship-obsessed you said he was."

[weekwizard]

"Yes, infuriatingly so. I have seen a few other Riders, however. Reels containing recordings of your kin's exploits show up frequently and are often viewed in the library."

[gotanappforthat]

"Oh really? I will have to look at some of these reels then," remarked Philip thoughtfully.

[weekwizard]

"I believe they are located here in the library. However, I would suggest warning others before watching them, as they can be distracting."

[gotanappforthat]

"I will keep that in mind. So, anything else I should know?"

[weekwizard]

"Just one thing: Do not expect me to dance at the Gala."

[gotanappforthat]

"Then you are coming? Splendid! I will go outfit shopping immediately."

[weekwizard]

Patchy sighs, turning around to get back to her work. "Do not forget the deal, either."

[gotanappforthat]

"I won't." And he's off!